How Will I Break The News To You?

You'd think I aughta be used to this by now. Save for a few of those late-night episodes, missed oppurtunities and 'I don't cares', there's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about. I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things, just make sure you're not there. This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way... I love you, however, you hold me down. You're the echoes of my everything, you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night. You're the laziness of the afternoon, you're the reason why I burst and why I bloom. How will I break this news to you? Cancel our dinner with Max and Caroline, feed Jacky's gerbil and try to stay clean. We'll talk it over after I've had some time to sort it out. You hold me down.
You're the echoes of my everything, you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night. You're the laziness of the afternoon, you're the reason why I burst and why I bloom. You're the leaky sink of sentiment, you're the failed attempts that I could never forget. You're the metaphors that I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love... How will I break the news to you?

It's over. I'll leave it at that.

I'm trying to push all of the bad people out of my life, and I've started with those I can control weather or not I speak to -
x] Mark
x] Conor
x] Ray

My mom has this deluded impression that I think guys are the only thing that can make me happy, because I told her that I was thinking abou the guy that I like and that he makes me happy. And she just flipped out on that. I understand that there are other things, it's just, that's what I was thinking about at the time. He does make me happy, but he's not the only thing.

Maybe I just shouldn't tell my mom anything. She has a tendancy to get the wrong impression... It bothers me, honestly. And I actually kind of want her to butt-out of my life. I lover her, in all respects, but I just need my space.

I don't want to talk to her sometimes.

But off of that, I'm going to talk about the guy I like right now, because, as I said, I'm thinking about him.

He's really nice, from what I can tell. He's kind of quiet, but that's okay. It balances me out. My friends didn't realize that we actually talk because we do it so quietly. He's very observant, I think--he hasn't tickled me, or even tried, but I told him I was a very ticklish person, and he responded, 'You seem like it..'

He's kind of got this sleepy-looking smile, and that sort of calm nature about him. Just thinking about it is calming me down. Besides black, his favorite color is green, and while that does remind me of Conor, she can go shove a stick up her ass to match her attitude and call it a night. (I am typically not a mean or spiteful person, I'm just so sad and scared still, and on top of that I'm stressed and she just told me I'm not worth it.)

His name is Eric, and I'm crushing hard.

I also have blisters on my thumbs. It's kind of really weird.

I'd also like to thank my brother for being the shoulder I cry on and the arms that hold me when I need a hug. He's the best brother in the world, and I love him so much. I couldn't ask for a better older brother, and I hope he's enjoying highschool.

xMadi