I'm Giving Up, Giving Up Slowly

Hey, guys. It’s Friday and I can safely say I’ve never been more bored in my life. I should be in school, I know, but I’m still so freaked out from Wednesday. Just thinking about it is making me shake. And, I know. I won’t have him in my life. I’ve recruited my friend to keep him away from me, one who has tons and tons of muscle and is taller than me(!). You don’t have to worry about me on that case, I’d say. I can protect myself. And if I can’t protect myself, well, then my friend can.

However, my aunt just made me cry! And that’s actually really hard to do. (Well, not right now, but still. I’m pretty freaking strong.) I’m listening to ‘The Teardrops On My Guitar’ by Taylor Swift, which Conor thinks is my song to Crouton Boy (Jerk-Off Boy, as she calls him.), and Auntie.1 (Lynnie) just sent me this email, and it just made me cry.

Mark looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won’t see.
And I want, and I need
Everything that we should be.

I bet she’s beautiful,
That girl he talks about.
And she’s got everything I have to live without.

Mark talks to me,
And I laugh ‘cause it’s so damn funny.
But I can’t even see
Anyone when he’s with me.

He says he’s so in love,
He’s finally got it right.
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night.

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
He’s the song in the car I keep singing,
Though I don’t know why I do.

Mark walks by me,
Can he tell that I can’t breathe?
And there he goes,
So perfectly.
The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

She better hold him tight,
Give him all the love
Look in those beautiful eyes—
And know she’s lucky ‘cause…

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
He’s the song in the car I keep singing,
Though I don’t know why I do.

So I drive home alone,
As I turn out the light
I’ll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight.

‘Cause he’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one with enough of me to break my heart.
He’s the song in the car I keep singing,
Though I don’t know why I do…

He’s the time taken up,
But there’s never enough.
And he’s all that I need to fall into.

Mark looks at me,
I fake a smile so he can’t see.

I changed a bit of the lyrics there, and some of it (obviously) doesn’t fit since… I know he’s bad for me and that I don’t need him. But can you see how that would make me cry? (I’m sure my Aunt can, since she’s the only one who knows what was in the e-mail.)

Anyways, off of Croutons. I had the most bizarre dream last night, though Conor probably won’t find this odd compared to the dream I had where William was smacked in the head by the gray-ish Snitch. That was funny, though.

Anyways, I was dying my hair pink at Cheyenne’s house, and there were these huge dogs that were just adorable and stuff. Anyways, when I was dying the ends of my hair pink, my black hair-dye magically faded and my hair was blonde again! And someone broke into Cheyenne’s house. I can’t recall most of the dream, but I know it was a birthday party thing, and Cheyenne’s house looked more like hers, mine, and Conor’s houses mixed.

(AKA – Really weird.)

Yeah. Sometimes I wish my mom would turn off the humongous light in computer-area. It’s really bright and makes it so I can’t sleep facing the door, and I need to shift when I sleep. So I’m actually going to turn that off right now.

So, today, I woke up exactly at ten and watched Scrubs. That was pretty much uneventful, since I was still trying to wake up. Had I been in school, I would have been in Ms. Stenson’s class, diving deep back into Dracula. But I wasn’t. Instead, I was halfway asleep with what I like to call peacock hair. (Since I’ve dyed my hair so many times, if you move it, it stays like that. Let’s say that it’s quite interesting in the mornings when I wake up.)

When I would have been in science, I was rummaging through the kitchen to make my stomach ache go away. (I get that just as I walk into Science class every day, I’m beginning to realize.) Instead of listening to Mrs. Hruby’s voice explaining the Scientific Method again (I still deem she sounds like Chibiusa off of the English dub of Sailor Moon…), I was popping two instant ego waffles in the oven and proving in burning them again.

…Our toaster is broken, okay?

When I normally would have been eating lunch, I was signing on and checking my DeviantArt, MySpace, and my blog, as well as my email. (I hadn’t gotten my aunts for a few minutes.) Heidi Imed me and we talked for a bit. Then I got started back up on this :

It’s obviously not done yet, due to the kid on the ground (Isaac’s) lack of shading and face. I’ll be doing that soon, though, and I really, really, really hope Conor likes it because I’m making it for her. I’ve been working on this for two days now.

And, yes. That is all pixeled by hand in MS Paint. And if you use the computer at all, you must know how hard it is to make just about anything look good in MSP (unless you know the tricks like I do~ yay, computer savvy!)

Well, now, as I should be running the mile, I’m going to go brush my hair, teeth, and shower, as I feel totally gross.

Love you all!
-Madi

Currently Reading – Dracula / Bram Stoker

Currently Listening To – My Girl / The Temptations

Name Drop – Auntie Lynnie